Month: October 2013

In the Morning

There is something wonderful about waking up in the dim light of the early morning, yet it is a time that people often avoid like the plague. They are happy to stay cocooned in their warm sheets until the devastating shriek of their alarm clocks wakes them from slumber. But I have become accustomed to these early morning hours, peeking out from beneath my covers to see languid, blue light emanating from my bedside window. I sit up for a moment, running a hand through the tangled mess my hair has inevitably become.  Sometimes I will sit in bed for a while, knees curled to my chin, listening. The coffee pot in the kitchen kicks on, gurgling and spitting. Cars pass every minute or two. I can hear the sound of my own breath. In and out. In and out. Then I am sliding from the comfort of my mattress to the cold, hardwood floor. I pad across it, the soles of my feet soft and silent. In the kitchen, the aroma of coffee is thick and heady. I sit at the kitchen table, hands enveloped around the mug’s warm circumference, and look out the window at the sky. It is an impossible blend of light and dark, and I can make out neither the sun nor the moon.

Outside the air is sharp, so cold that you can almost taste it. I pull my coat about my neck and attempt to start my car, a thin layer of ice encasing its body. While the engine purrs I wait outside, the heat slowly fading the sheen of ice in slow growing, half-moon circles. Frost blankets everything on chill autumn mornings. The grass looks delicate, like glass, and I fear that if I touch it that it will crumble in my hand. My breath spills from my lips in translucent puffs that rise into the air until they disappear into the sky. I stamp my feet on the ground, attempting to bring warmth to my unfortunate toes. When the ice is cleared enough for me to see out of the windshield, I drive. But it is not cities or neighborhoods that blur past my windows, it is the glittering, Pennsylvania landscape. It is not simply my front lawn that was kissed by the night’s frost.

When I tire of the silence, I switch the radio on, but only faintly. Just loud enough so the spell of the morning is not broken. In time, the sun peaks its head from behind a valley, shards of light splitting through the frail arms of the trees. Occasionally, I will pass a small house or cottage with the lights on and the blinds open, the sky still dim enough for me to glimpse inside. Every now and then, I see a person sitting at their kitchen table, perhaps with coffee, and I wonder if they are in love with the early morning, just as I am.

A Poem for the Wanderer

That night there was the sun and the moon, and us
And we were in between
How monotonous those hot days became, the sun burning holes in our skin
We were in search of adventure, a secret

We piled into the van, charmingly clunky, plum purple
The inside upholstery reeking of wet canine and old fast food
We drove for miles, the rough turf cracking and popping beneath bare tires
Then there we were, the five of us making a path

The sharp stalks, high as our knees, left invisible imprints on our bronzed legs
Bruised and scratched from previous escapades
We were a band of vagabonds, rascals, wanderers
We bedded down in the greenery, a million pins sticking our arms

We talked of liquor and sunshine, our words garbled with laughter
Smoke slithered from our lips, toxic clouds that formed gray bundles
in the warm, august air
Our eyes hazy, thoughts a mist behind our lashes
We wanted to forget, if only for a moment

The brilliant sky burned above us,
our voices echoing into the space beyond
And all of a sudden there was the moon,
And then there was the sun, and we were in between

We said nothing, our minds silent,
the music of insects filling the stillness of the night
We knew that it was time to go, time to find a new escape, but we lingered
Reveling in the equinox
This self-proclaimed equator

We drove off towards the moon, that changeable, haunting orb
Its size growing ominously as miles fell behind us
We left the sun
That reliable, shining light that seemed to revive our senses
That reminded us of everything that was about to disappear.

When I Am Small

When I am small
I can feel my heartbeat, strong
Fluttering beneath the rose window
Of my rib-cage
Crushed against my little lungs
It beats a lament, a song
When I am small
When I am small

When I am small
I can feel your breath, calm
Cascading across the contours
Of my collarbone
Curled against my chin
It rises and falls
When I am small
When I am small

When I am small
I know your limbs, sinewy, long
Circling the curved silhouette
Of my waist
Where they belong
When I am small
When I am small.

The Pieces of You

All I have left of you are scraps, words and phrases like an unfinished poem. It is a poem of love lost, but it is nothing Shakespearean. It is about being small and vulnerable. It is about watching neon light dance off buildings in the darkness while your mind wanders elsewhere, your limbs stationary. It is about blurring the contours of your body, smudging away the freckles on your cheeks, softening the corners of your smile. It is about leaving a person-shaped hole behind, an echo of laughter against wallpaper. It is about forgetting how to form the words, the phrases, while time slips away.

It fruitless process, attempting to forget someone you cared for deeply. It is as if suddenly the ground is moving and you are transported to another world like an elevator rising slowly up. Only, it is moving so fast that you cannot take in where you are going and who you are becoming. The only person with you is someone you have loved for a long time. When you step off the elevator you realize the person is not who you loved anymore. You are confused and disappointed for all you have is a memory, a small scrap of the person left behind. Yet within this reminiscence, the words and phrases that blur as time lapses, there is still a piece of the past, the experiences you shared. Though it is only a memory, your heart flutters to life for a brief moment, for you know you have changed because of it.

The Sea

I taste the sticky liquid
Pungent on my lips and tongue
It fills me to the brim
Warmth spilling over my eyes
Between the caverns in my ears
Right down to the polished shells that are my fingertips

Everything is far away
Noises and voices blended in one harmonious outcry
I can see nothing but the calm blackness behind my lids
It seems in a whisper you are there
Taking me over

Breath and breath mingling together
Both of our bodies creaking like that of an ancient ship
Soft sighs, mist
Emitted from the deepest caves within

Your hair tangled between my slender fingers
A storm across the hall
Movement, dance, a downpour

I cling to you
Hold tight to my neighbor ship
But you break away
A schooner shore bound
And I am lost at sea
Forever.